Given the rising costs of gas and accommodations, dancers are looking more and more to share rides and/or rooms to dances and events. In our area, I am fortunate to have my wingman, Jun Ogata, to help me with organizing these things for our dancers. Between us we have a large number of contacts both inside and outside our group which makes it possible for us to help to hook people up who are looking to save money and our natural resources.
This last (Boston Tea Party) weekend I heard from a number of people who had roommates drop out within 48 hrs of the dance (one had TWO of her 4 roomies ditch at the last minute), change minds, and/or mis-communicate causing last minute scrambles to the person holding the room. This causes bad feelings all around and puts hardship in dancers who are often going to events on a shoestring.
Whether you are working directly with a group of people that you know, or you are going through an intermediary like Jun, there are some things that need to be kept in mind.
1) If someone turns you down as a roommate at a weekend, don't take it personally. We each have our preferences and needs when it comes to rooming: room temperature, bedshares (some people like to sleep alone in the bed, others are ok with sharing their bed), same sex vs mixed sex roommates, social issues (party room vs quiet room), scent allergies (if the person can't tolerate hairspray/perfumes/etc), etc etc etc. Given that we are often in that space for 3-4 days, the better "fit" that you can find, the better... over the course of that time, little things can become less tolerable as we get more sleep deprived! It doesn't mean that the person doesn't like you, it just means that they know their own limits and needs. It's better to find a place where everyone will come out of the weekend happy with their rooming arrangements, believe me!
2) In either case, make sure you are VERY CLEAR in your communication about where you stand. If you are on the fence about someone rooming with you, be clear about that. Perhaps you have someone that you already promised to hold a space for, who has not got back to you, so you cannot commit that bed to anyone else. Or (as in my case) you are holding out until closer to the date to keep a space open for last-minute people who have not booked a room at all. I often keep my room open as long as possible for those who suddenly find they can come, so if a person already has a room, I try to hook them up with other people first, and if we don't fill either room, we can drop a room a few days before and join up. When I do that, I make it very clear that my space is a *maybe* to anyone who I feel I can help find a space elsewhere. Once you say YES, please don't change your mind, or if you must, offer to promise to help them find another place.
3) Pay your fair share please! With rooms, it is common to split the room equally amongst the occupants, but don't forget to leave your fair share of the tip for the maid, (Especially if you have kept them busy with requests for extra towels, toilet paper, etc!!). I often find that people totally forget this part. Also, if you are doing a rideshare, don't forget that the person is incurring not only gas expenses, but tolls and wear and tear on their car. If they won't let you pay what you think is fair, then buy them a coffee or something at the rest stop (esp if they won't let you drive!) Karma baby, Karma!!!!
4) If someone outside the room/car that you are in helps you find a room/ride, THANK THEM!!!!! I know for a fact that Jun puts in countless hours organizing our local group trips. I often post on Facebook that we need help finding a place for someone in our group - I have the contacts, they don't. I really don't mind, but it IS nice to have someone recognize that I made the effort for them.
Communication is KEY in any situation, and mis-communication causes angst and upset that is unwanted and totally avoidable. Sometimes it isn't 100% comfortable to say NO to someone but it sure beats the stress that comes with the mess caused by a vague agreement. We dance because it brings us JOY - lets do what we can to create JOY in every other place in our lives!
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