Last week I DJ'd once again for Bob And Dave's Tuesday Night Dance in Albany. Afterwards we all went out to a local diner to hang and chat and grab a bite to eat. During the conversation, the topic of dance floor etiquette came up, most specifically with how we perceive the intent of our partner. Having sat in on many-a-conversation about this, there are often one or two people in each community who just continue to come up in conversations (sometimes around this subject, other times around teaching on the dance floor...the two biggest subjects that come up around dance floor etiquette). And having known most of those people, I am sure that 99% of the time how they are being perceived is NOT how they think they are acting!!!!
WCS tends to be a fun, flirty, and often sensual dance. However, we need to keep in mind that HOW we flirt and HOW MUCH we flirt with depends very much on the person we are dancing with. Learning to read body language when you are dancing with someone will carry you a loooong way!
LEADERS: If you try to bring a follower in to a "close closed" position and she firmly puts her hand on your arm to create space between you, LET HER HAVE THAT SPACE!!!! AND continue to give her space for the rest of that dance (and any in the future, at least until you are both more comfortable with each other). Trying to force her to stay in close-closed will only end up with her avoiding dancing with you in the future. And you may become the topic of a late-night diner chat. And you DON'T want to be that guy!!! Many people (most especially women) have differing comfort levels around their personal space with a person who is not their "partner". Give them that space and you will have a dance partner for life.
ALL DANCERS: Again, watch how your partner is dancing with you. If you do some kind of a flirty move, and they look at you and smile, then GREAT! Maybe do it again at a future dance. However, if they look away, frown, or start that "space-creating frame", back off and save it for another day. Beginner dancers can be especially sensitive to this as they don't always realize that we are really just having fun and playing with the music (especially if it is a flirty song!). Give them time to get used to the nature of our dance!
Finally, most of us have gone through the phase where we THINK we are doing a move the way the pros do it (especially with body isolations) and what we look like is NOT what we THINK we look like. Some of these moves can be perceived as "gyrations" if not done right, which may be mis-read by your partner. The best advice I can give you here is two-fold.
1) Get a video of yourself dancing. Yeah - it can be downright scary and depressing (I STILL hate watching myself on camera) but you will quickly learn what move - many that you may think are your COOLEST moves - that you either want to omit from your dancing or that you need help from a professional on to get it to look like what you *think* you are doing right now. That leads me to
2) Get professional help. Even if you are only a social dancer, it doesn't hurt to take a private once in awhile to work on your dance. After all, the better dancer you are, the more people will want to dance with you! And don't we all want to be that person who can't get off the dance floor without being asked for another dance (rather than chasing partners all over the floor or sitting on the side!)? Often I hear dancers saying that they really like "X" but they don't like dancing with them because they do "Y"... and that thing is often a simple fix that you are not aware of. If finances are an issue, ask one or two people to share the private with you. This works for everyone as you now have someone to tell you when you fall back to your old habits.
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